Okay, first off, no making fun of the title. I really couldn’t think of anything else. Now, just as a little intro, my name is Kassie, I’m 16 and I live in Europe - recent development that, and it’s something that I never actually chose for myself. I have hopes of starting at an art school in the coming school year, and I love writing and helping people in whatever way I can. I like music and reading a lot too, but really, who doesn’t?

Now, on to what really matters. I decided to do this advice thing because I really do feel like I’m qualified at least a little to give advice, and I really do enjoy it. Plus it was just too good to pass up. Now, this little article will sometimes be questions, and sometimes it’ll be me addressing what I feel are important issues. I’ll be updating weekly, most likely at the end of the week. If you want me to answer your questions, feel free to PM me on TeenHut, or
email me. Make sure to email/PM those questions early in the week if you want them answered that week.

Well, now that we have that out of the way, here’s the first installment of Ask Kassie.

Q: This is clichéd, but I’m in love with a friend of mine. Of the same sex. I’m not sure if they are bisexual or homosexual though, so I really don’t know what to do. Should I make a move? Or just hope it passes?

A: Well, to find out if they are bi/homosexual or not, you could work it into a conversation. Bring up a book or movie that you’ve read/seen recently that featured a bisexual or homosexual character. Or say something about your views on gay marriage. There are plenty of ways to ask without actually “asking”. Also, it depends on whether or not you are in the closet. If you’re out, and they accept you for it, then you could just go with the direct method. But you have to consider the effect it may have on your friendship. Is it worth the risk? If so, and you’ve found out their views on homosexuality are positive, then maybe you should make the move. But think carefully. If you make a move and they don’t feel the same way though, just make a joke out of it to ease the tension and hopefully things would go back to normal. Either way, good luck!

Q: My whole family is very fundamentalist Christian and I’ve been finding recently that I just don’t agree with them on religion or other matters. We always seem to argue over things like whether other religions are in the right or wrong and if homosexuals are “going to hell”. I find that I’m more of a live and let live type of person and they don’t like that too much. I just don’t feel comfortable describing myself as Christian anymore (mostly because it just doesn’t seem to *fit*). What do you suggest I do?

A: Well, the thing is, at the end of the day, they’re still your family. Though it can be frustrating to not be able to agree with your family on such matters, it seems like that’s the only real problem between you. So, and I hate to say this, you’re just going to have to put up with it until you are 18. After that, they don’t really have too much of a say in what you claim as your personal beliefs. Until then I would suggest not openly disagreeing with them. That doesn’t mean you have to take everything they say as your own beliefs, but these people are still your family and I’m sure a little peace would be welcome by all.

As for what you said about Christianity not “fitting” you anymore, you could research other religions. Though, out of respect to your family, it might be best to wait until you’re 18 to openly pursue another religion. Who knows, during this research, you could find that you simply needed a different denomination of Christianity. Or maybe you needed another religion altogether. I would suggest talking to your parents about it though, in the meantime. Find out if they would be adverse to you exploring other Christian denominations (since I’m sure that converting altogether at this point might not be well-received. Though, you could always work it into the conversation. If they don’t want you to look at other religions/denominations at all, you can either respect their decision and wait until you are 18, or look them up anyway on the net/at the library and use the age-old excuse of “it’s for school” if they ask you about it.

Q: My parents just don’t understand me. Lately I feel like staying out late, getting drunk and failing all my classes in school. Just to serve my parents right. But I don’t do that because I’m afraid they’ll take away my iPod and other (IMPORTANT) material possessions. What do I do?

A: It really sounds to me like there is something else going on here than simply wanting to rebel. But it’s really not my place to speculate. So here’s what I have to say: It looks like you really just want attention from your parents, but you’re rational enough to know that if you do the things you feel like doing (i.e. skipping school or getting drunk) that you won’t get the kind of attention that you really want. Or maybe you really just don’t want to lose your iPod.

Your best bet is to sit your parents down and talk to them about this. Try writing out what you are going to say before hand - your parents will most likely appreciate the thought you put into it. And try to act as mature as possible. Tell them that you feel hurt that they make no effort to understand you, or go about it the wrong way, whatever the case may be. Whatever happens, do not shout and do not lose your temper. That will just turn it into a mess.

If that doesn’t work, you can always find solace in your friends (the good kind. Not the ones that will try to drag you down even more). Even if you don’t feel like it sometimes, there is always at least one person out there who will be there for you. And if that doesn’t work, try finding your solace in the arts (music, writing, art). That’s what most of the greats did. And remember, it’s the things we go through in our lives and how we deal with them that act as the catalyst for our entire lives. It may not feel like it now, but how you respond to this may very well shape your life ten or even twenty years down the road. Doesn’t make it any easier, I know, but it’s the truth.

Q: Help! I have a big problem on my hands and it is really tearing me up. My boyfriend and I have been going out for two months now (we’ve been good friends for almost three years) but I just don’t think that I like him the way he likes me. When I look at him, all I can see is a really good friend – not someone who makes my heart go pitter-patter. I mostly only got involved with him was because I’ve been hurt a lot by my ex’s and I wanted to be in a “safe” relationship for a while. I wanted to break it off with him, but he recently told me that he’s in love with me. Now I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to be trapped in a relationship either.

A: The truth is, there’s no way to avoid hurting him. But you’ll hurt him even more if you wait any longer to let the truth come out. The best thing would probably be to sit him down and simply tell him how you feel. Remember to stay rational and calm. This isn’t going to be easy and he will most likely lash out in some shape or form depending on his personality. Hopefully you’ll be able to salvage the friendship that you had before. Who knows, maybe he would be more comfortable as friends as well. Though it’d be better to expect the worst and hope for the best. Either way, you’re going to need to give him space. Do that, but still make it clear that you want to stay friends with him. Whether it’s too painful for him or not, or if he wants to is another matter entirely. I’m afraid that all you can really do is try and be as mature and understanding as possible, and the rest will be up to him.